It’s true for everyone that no two signatures are identical, at least in the sense that no two periods on a page are identical. It’s a little more true for me. My signature is sloppy, but I’ve never been called out on it until now. I’ve been trying to get a credit card and the issuers cannot be satisfied that I am who I say I am. They’ve returned my application to me five times now, complaining each time that my signatures on the forms don’t match the one on my ID. The first few times I figured it was a fluke and I just signed the forms again. Then I photographed myself holding a copy of my signature, my ID with my other signature, and a note saying “this is me.” They didn’t buy it. So now I’ve resorted to forgery, copying out my card signature, enlarging it, and tracing over it exactly. I would call this my confession but the nice customer service lady giggled when I told her so I guess everything will be OK. But what the hell do I know? Maybe it should be a crime to pretend to be the person you were yesterday.